.....I'm human....What if?

All I am is human,
Nothing I can do about that.
I have feeling I can’t control,
Feelings I can’t change.
Can’t be blamed for being human.

No one said life was easy,
No one said don’t take a chance.
So should I?
The question lurks in my mind,
Just waiting for an answer,
For it’s chance to know.

But what if I take a chance and it goes wrong,
What if I make a move and it goes wrong,
What if the feelings aren’t returned?
What if.

Alone...

Am I alone in my feelings,

What i think,

How i feel,

What i feel?

I feel as if so.

Why must I feel like this,

Why must i have these feelings,

Why am i the only one?

Makes my mind wonder,

Thoughts creep in my brain,

Making my head swirl.

Maybe I should shut them out,

Make them leave,

Hide them,

Never divulge them,

Never think of acting on them,

Never act on them.

Look like a fool,

Act like a fool,

Feel like a fool.

This is what the feelings do to me.

Never wanting to be embarrassed,

Rejected,

Looked at differently.

Shun these feelings,

Never think of them,

Hide them from myself,

From all.

Put them deep away and move on.

This is what I should do.

Life is a roller coaster ride.

Ups and downs,

Loops throwing you around.

At times it's horrid,

At times it's bliss.

It can be confusing,

It can be as simple as yes or no.

Situations racking our brain,

Making us think,

Rethink,

Contemplate.

Our decisions could be wrong,

They could be right.

Trying to decide on the unknown,

Keeping you awake,

Your brain non-stop,

Trying to figure things out.

Who knows what is right or wrong,

Is there a manual,

Is there a guide to use?

I wish i knew,

I wish I knew the answers to my life,

To make it more simple,

Uncomplicated.

Life is an uncertainty,

Nothing can be for sure without seeing the unknown.

My heart beating strong,

Fast.

My pulse rising,

Feeling weak,

Light headed,

Dizzy.

Unable to move,

Don't wana move.

Feels like im nothing,

My heart in my throat,

Feeling each pound.

Not knowing what would happen,

What will happen.

Will it be good,

Will it be bad.

Who knows what will happen.

My love for you is like the endless diamond sky.

Bright,

Shinning,

Shimmering,

Everwhere.

I love you more than all those stars.

I get lost in your eyes,

Looking deep into them.

Looking in them is like a whole new world.

I find comfort in them,

Warmth,

Love,

Want,

Desire,

Lust,

Caring.

When I speak to you I smile,

I hear your voie and can't help it.

You make me laugh,

Giggle,

Blush.

You make me feel things I never have before.

You've captured my heart,

You hold the key.

Never forget,

Never deny,

Never second guess that I love you.

Never,

No matter what,

Always know I love you.

I looked up,

Saw a figure,

My heart froze,

Time seemed to stop.

I looked into his eyes,

Beautiful eyes.

I took a deep breath,

My heart started racing.

The figure came closer,

Staring at me.

Getting lost in his gorgeous eyes.

Not paying attention to anything around,

Not caring about anyone around,

Focusing on just him.

Not wanting to move,

Not wanting to look away,

Wanting to just stare into his eyes forever.

I am so tired of these games,
Of you making me feel bad.
If you really want me then show me,
Prove it,
If you don't then screw you,
I'll get over it,
But why should i waste my time,
Hurt my heart more than i need.
I cant ever talk to you about anything,
I don't feel comfortable doing it anymore.
I feel like if i open my mouth,
Say what I feel,
What's on my mind,
Then I will be hurting again,
Getting yelled at,
Making you mad,
You making me feel as if i did something wrong.

Somethings changed,
I feel it in my body,
My bones,
My soul,
My heart.
I hear it in your voice,
Something about you isn't the same,
Not the same one i fell in love with.
Something,
Someone has changed you.
You don't seem to be as warm,
Loving,
Caring towards me.
It hurts.
You voice actually bugged me,
For the first time I had to stop listening to you.

I'm tired of games,
I'm tired of hurting,
I'm tired of feeling like i'm the one in the wrong,
I'm tired of being alone.

Don't you think I have feelings too.
Don't you think I have bad days,
I want someone to talk to,
That someone being you.
Girls and guys are different.
When we get mad we want you to run after us,
Make it better.
When you get mad you all want us to leave you alone,
Give you time to cool off.
We feel like we need to make it better,
It's in our DNA,
It's in our nature.
Men don't understand.
If we are upset,
Mad,
Pissy,
Even at you,
Run your asses after us,
Before you lose us.

Forgive us for wanting to try and make your problems better,
To make them disapear,
To make the stress go away,
To make everything better.
It's who we are,
That will never change.

Men need to learn too,
How to treat us,
How to react to our problems,
How to speak to us.

You arn't the only one with problems,
We have them too,
We wana talk about them,
To you.
Express our feelings,
For someone just to listen,
To make it better.
We have problems,
Feelings,
Voices too

I use to make you happy.
I use to make you smile.
I use to make you happy when sad,
Smile when something was wrong.
I don’t do this anymore,
Why.
Why is it that I don’t make you happy?
Aren’t I the same person?
Don’t you still love me?
Shouldn’t the one you love make you happy?
You should want to talk to them,
Want to be with them,
Want to spend time with them.
You shouldn’t have to fight for their attention,
Their affection.
This is not love.
Love is shown,
Flaunted,
Wanted.

Why must I fight,
Why must I feel like I beg,
Why is it I don’t feel wanted,
Cared for,
Loved,
Like I make you happy anymore.

I need attention,
Need love,
Need to be wanted,
Need to be the one to make you happy,
To make you smile.

I want you to want to talk to me,
To spend time with me,
To be with me,
But this is not so.

I use to make you happy.

Guys,
Who needs them?
We don’t need these low level species,
What use are they to us really.
They are all useless,
Jackasses,
Wolfs is sheep’s clothing,
Waiting to stop,
Smash,
Devourer their prey,
That prey being us.
Thinking we are weak,
Little bunnies,
Like we are scared of them.
We are the higher species,
We need to stand up,
Show them who’s superior.
Stomp,
Smash,
Rip apart their species.
They are no good,
None of them.
Low down,
Dirty,
Scum.
They are the bottom feeders of our world.
The only good thing about them,
The one thing is in their pants,
Sometimes that’s not even that good.

They are knuckle draggers,
Cavemen,
Have no respect,
No intelligence,
No thoughts of what their actions do,
Destroying anything in their path.
Well not me,
Not this time,
Not anymore.
I will no longer stand in line,
Stand to the side,
Stand down from men,
Be pushed around,
Told what to do.
I am better,
I am superior.

You best take notes,
Best watch out.
I will no longer be treated poorly,
Take things lying down.
I will fight back,
I will win,
You no longer have control over me.
I am stronger,
I am smarter,
I am superior.

I need a guy...

I need a guy,
A guy that wants to love me,
To show his love to me.
Wants to cuddle,
Wants to kiss,
Wants to spend time with me.
I need a man who wants to show his love to me,
Who wants to prove his love,
To always let me know he loves me.
A man that isn’t afraid of public,
Who doesn’t care who is around.
One that will kiss me,
Hold my hand,
Be lovey even in public,
Even to just let everyone else know I’m his.
I want a man that would be happier,
Happier than anything to call me his,
For me to call him mine.

I want a man that will always love me,
That will never hate me,
That will always want to be with me.
A man that cares deeply and will show it to me.

This kind of man does not exist.
If this species of man is around all other men are doomed.
This type of man must be on another planet,
Extinct,
Maybe even just a fantasy that wont come true.
I can always wish and hope,
Though it won’t come true,
I still have my dreams to escape to when I close my eyes.

I don't think I can do this anymore,
I don't think I can hold on any longer.
There's nothing left,
Nothing left to give,
Nothing left to take,
There's nothing left of me.
My hearts gone,
My spirits broke,
I feel cold and alone.
Everything is gone from me,
There's nothing but a shell left.
I've cried,
I've tried,
I cant do it anymore.
There's nothing left,

I feel hurt,

But at the same time I feel nothing,

Nothing more is left.
Men are the enemy,
I know this now.
Nothing comes good from them,
Nothing comes from them.
They are cold,
Heartless,
Selfish,
Their words meaningless.
There's no point in trying,
No point in faking.
I've put on this fasuade for way too long,
Thinking,
Hopeing it would be true.
Nothing I do is good enough for you.
You think of me as nothing,
As something to throw away when bored.
I don't think I can do this anymore.
There is nothing left of me,
No emotion,
No feeling,
Nothing.

Lessons Learned In Pain

I’ve learned my lesson,
No more will I trust,
No more will I care.
I put a shield around my heart,
My soul.
You will not take it,
You will not steal it.
You’ve hurt me too many times,
I cannot let this happen again.
I’ve learned my lesson.
You’ve made me cold,
Dark,
Heartless.
Not wanting to have feelings,
Not wanting to get hurt again.
You have done this to me,
Turned me this way.
I use to be sweet,
I use to be kind,
I use to be loving,
But no more!
All it does is end up hurting me.
I cannot put up with your taunting me,
Your stringing me along,
The hurt,
The pain you cause is too great.
I feel like there are a thousand stabs in my heart,
Scars of healed wounds.
I am not me anymore,
I am not the person I once was.
I blame this on you.
I will be civil towards you,
But not like I once was.
I’ve learned my leasson,

I’ve learned it well.

Love Makes Fools Out Of Women

It starts out nothing,
Turns into something,
Makes us go nuts,
Makes fools out of us.
We fall head over heels too fast,
We don’t learn from the past,
Love makes fools out of us.
We try and make you happy,
But we end up being sappy.
Love makes us blind,
Makes us too kind,
We don’t see the real you.
You break our hearts,
Break them apart,
You don’t care,
You tare us apart.
We act goofy with you,
Around you,
About you,
Love makes fools out of us.
Cockamamie.

Broken Hearts and Lost Causes

You don’t listen to me,
You don’t care about me,
You have no interest in what I say.
You shrug me off like I’m nothing,
You say you love me but I don’t see this.
How can someone love me and treat me this way.
If you love me you would not do so.
If you love someone you don’t shrug them off,
If you love someone you care,
You listen,
You pay attention.

I cannot take this anymore,
The way you treat me isn’t love.
You hurt me and don’t care,
You make me feel like I’ve done wrong,
I haven’t.
You make me feel low,
Like I am nothing in your life,
As if I am the lowest priority.
This isn’t love.

You don’t know what you are going to lose,
You are losing me.
I do not think I can take it anymore,
So don’t be surprised if I leave.
I will not be treated this way,
Not even if I love you.
This is not the way to treat someone,
Not someone that you love.
I do not think you care that you are losing me,
If you did you would know what you are doing.
I do not think you could be as stupid as you seem,
Anyone could see what you are doing to me,
That I am ready to quit,
Ready to run,
Ready to give up.

I do not think I deserve this,
To be treated this way.
I deserve better,
To be treated better,
To be loved and wanted.
I have tried to make you happy,
You have not done the same.
You are selfish,
You don’t truly love me,
Or maybe you are just an ass.
Either way, I deserve better,
I will find better,
Better than you.

Friends

You talk to me,
You spend time with me,
You like me for who I am.
You don’t want me to change,
You accept who I am.
I don’t want you to change,
I like you the way you are.
We seem to click,
We understand each other very well.
I can’t imagine anything you’d do,
Anything you’d say,
To make me go away.
You are special to me,
In a way unexplained.
Thank you for being you,
And accepting me for me.

Don't Call Me

Don't Call Me Baby,
Don't Call Me Sweetie,

Don't call me Darlin',
Don't Call Me Hunnie,
Don't Call Me Anything.
Those are loveing names.
Words that should only be said if you love that person.
You don't love,
You can't love,
You say you do but you don't.
I don't want to hear these words,
I don't want to hear these names,
I dont want you to be sweet unless you care,
I don't want you to lie about your feelings to me.
If you really care, then show it! Prove it!
Stop putting me aside!
I will not settle for third place in your life.
I will not settle for anything anymore.
Don't call me it, unless you mean it.

Tired of it all!

My pulse racing,
My heart pounding,
My brain tensing.
I just wana scream!
Scream at those who mock me,
Those who put me down,
Those who treat me like dirt,
Those who think im a child.
To those who say something and do another,
To those who hurt me,
To those who lie to me,
To those who break my heart,
To those who think their actions have no affect.
I'm tired of you all!
I'm tired of the pain,
The fustrasion,
The unhappiness you bring on.
I need a pillow to cover up my screams,
A punching bag to be angry at,
A Cherrybomb in my hand to calm my nerves.
No more will i put up with you!
No more will I keep quiet!
No I don't want the drama,
Yet I cannot do this any longer.
I have to say what you do to me,
How i feel you treat me,
How you make me feel like i am nothing.
This is over and I am done,
No more putting up with people treating me like im nothing,
No more with people treating me like a child,
No more with people saying one thing and doing another,

No more with people getting away with it.
No more will i be affected by someone elses choices,
No more will i be affected by someone elses moods,
No more will i be affected by someone elses issues.
If you say something to me you better keep what you say.
Don't go back on it,
Don't change your mind,
Don't forget about me,
Don't let your mood affect what you say.
If you treat me like im nothing, that's what i'll be come.
If you treat me like a child, you will get a childs response.
If you keep treating me like this,
If all of you keep treating me like this,
There will be no more me around.
I will dispear from your life.
If you want me in your life you better start acting like it,
Start treating me better,
Start paying attention to me,
Start being with me and not shunning me.
I'm tired of you all!
I'm done with you all!

......Untitled.....

The love you send is vibrant,
Full of color and feeling.
Sometimes it's hard to know if you are really there,
Others doubt your existance,
But I know you are there.
You give me strength in my hectic life,
The will power and understanding to go on.
At times I just want to scream and let go of it all,
You help me keep it together, keep my cool.
Thank you for your forgivness for all I have done wrong,
Thank you for your undying love,
Thank you for always being there to turn to.
I might not always feel you are here,
But you are.
I cannot feel you,
I cannot touch you,
I cannot see you,
But i know you are here watching over my life,
Forgiving all I do that is wrong.
Your never ending love will help me thorugh all in life.

One and Only

You are my one and only,
My true hearts desire.
Your lips pressed up against mine,
So soft and warm,
Like a sweet cherry kiss.
I feel a surge through my body,
Like nothing I have felt before.
When you kiss me everything is bliss,
Nothing is wrong,
I see no one else around,
You and I in our own little world.
You are my soul mate,
For I know this deep down.
My love,
My want,
My desire,
My one and only.